How to Have a Wonderful Pooping Experience

by Johnny Webber

1. Eat plenty of fiber. Dietary fiber helps to absorb water and remove waste from the body. Check out this list of foods with high fiber content.

2. Wait until you have to go. If you poop too early, you might end up sitting on the toilet for a while trying to force something that just does not want to happen. Your stool should look like type 3 or 4.

3. Check for toilet paper before sitting down. You do not want to suffer the shame of having to call out for someone to bring you something to wipe your butt with.

4. Drop toilet paper in the bowl to avoid splashback. Before you do your business, drop some toilet paper into the bowl. The paper acts as a cushion, so you won’t get toilet water splashback on your rear end when you unleash that massive deuce.

5. Lift the knees. Humans are meant to squat over a hole in the forest when they defecate. Use a stool to make things easier. 

6. Rock back and forth. Rocking allows your muscles to relax and the job to get done a little bit easier.

7. Get it wet. Use wet wipes for a thorough clean up. If you are feeling extra fancy, try a bidet.

If you follow these steps and still have trouble in the pooping department, or if your stool is an odd color, go talk to a doctor.

How to Have a Wonderful Pooping Experience